I got a message from my ex-first boyfriend the other week. He wrote that he’d come for holidays to where I live and would want to meet. This was after about 31 years from our sad farewell meeting that time.
So I said to him that I’d be happy to meet only if he’d come with his wife. So he came with his wife the following week and with his three grown up children. We had lunch together, we chatted and we got along very well. One thing I first notice that I was happy about was that my love I used to have for him before has gone. His face and shape didn’t change much and they seem to have a good living which I was happy for them.
I realized after that my first love for him had died over time. This is why I don’t believe the saying that first love never dies. I believe ‘true love’ never dies by time, by change in body shape, even by quarrels. True love lives in the heart who owns it.❤️😘
What is your thought on this?
Do you agree with that saying “First love never dies”?
What is your short story about your First Love?
Recommended.
Hmm… I still have memory of my first love but I don’t think I love him anymore. Very happy memories of that relationship though and as I was 15 at the time, a lot has happened in life since then. lol
well, i have no say on this one….
but glad you had a healthy gathering.
They say a girl’s first love is her father and a boy’s is his mother. It’s a high bar you have to set for your children.
I avoided setting that bar by not having children, lils.
I stepped up to that bar and raised it. 😘
I bellied up to the bar and never left.
Mmm, I have something you can belly up to and never leave. 💚
Behave, Lils. 🙂
I know, I know. 🙆😘💚
I stepped up to that bar and bumped into it.
😂😂
First love that is part of the awakening of sexual attraction, and that transition from childhood, can be very intense. Maybe too intense especially if it happens too young. When new emotions combine with a first physical attraction, I believe it creates a neural imprinting like a baby duck with a boot, that never goes away. The conscious part of the relationship fades, and the love is normally overlain by later relationships. But for some the memory of that first sight stays fresh for life. The fragrance of her hair in the sunshine, her laugh, her smile; all remain clear and bright, long into old age. .
At least for me.,
Depends. Some have that fragrance. But for others? Here!
😉
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5FpjF5vYzU
I buried all my exes down in Texas. Don’t tell the FBI!
https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/psychokid/images/6/6d/Jesseburied.gif/revision/latest?cb=20151012025135
You are so a naughty boy.
I thought you buried them under your bed?
LOLOL….Never bring the bodies into the house. Just a general guideline. 😉
October is Halloween season here, so I may become a bit creepy and macabre. Muhahahaha!
Common be honest… or you just kept them in your cupboard…=D
That should be a good thing about Halloween…
LMAO! Yeah!! Murn, come to the States and celebrate Halloween with us. You can dress up as anything you want.
LOL.
What costume will you prepare for me?
Or I will dress up Balinese costume…=D
Anything you like! You can be a princess, or even queen of vampires, or anything else you want.
Better to be the child of the Master Vampire, so I won’t need to kill….=D
Like this?
https://orig00.deviantart.net/81f1/f/2008/077/c/a/ca9c79ec71fba967.jpg
That’s too scary.
You should all change the scary look to pretty and handsome ones.
Make me one that looks like Cleopatra…:))
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/645f2a517e5387150d62e110515dcd3f0c97815420ad4d0811e3a54283d70210.jpg
You got it!
Another Disqus glitch?
Dearest Downvoter, kindly GTFO of our channel!
I buried all my exes down in Texas. Don’t tell the FBI!
https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/psychokid/images/6/6d/Jesseburied.gif/revision/latest?cb=20151012025135
What kind of reprobate would downvote many of the posts to such an innocuous subject?🤔
You saw it, too?! I was wondering myself.
I see that most of us got a downvote. How come we can’t see who did the downvote? I’m not offended, just curious.
Been wondering what Disqus is planning as first we had problem downloading the site, then this visible downvotes and who knows what else are coming. I just hope it won’t be sites deletion..:))
I’m only interested in sex, so I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been in love. I would imagine that it would be different for everyone.
Knowing True Love is a matter of education, maturity, and experience. I thought I had it with my 1st serious girlfriend within 1 month of meeting. We got engaged 5 years later, only to break up badly soon after…after I got pretty financially as well as emotionally fleeced, but I digress.
😉
After a few girlfriends and now in 2 decades of marriage, I look back and see it wasn’t True Love. I once thought True Love was bubbly emotions and good sex . Obviously it’s a lot more, especially in key character traits: fidelity, respect, trust, and riding lows as well as enjoying the highs.
True Love has its cold as well as emotional dimensions. It’s a business as well as romance. Again, this understanding comes with some education, maturity, and experience.
I had some serious schooling here. Let’s just say I got a few F’s initially. But I became an A student. By hard work, as I was never a natural.
😛
BTW: I had a few girls really like but reject me because they thought I didn’t make enough money. Some wanted me only for money when I made it. Nope, none of it was True Love.
Finally, as you all know well by now, I’m no saint. But I never took advantage of a woman in this context. If she had strong feelings for me and I didn’t, I made it fair and classy. I can at least say that.
Thanks for sharing your personal stories here, Murn;). As for me, I would say it depends on what we mean by “love”. I feel that often times people mean “passion/desire” when they say “I love someone deeply”, mainly because I always believe that love is a sense of responsibility; the willingness to spend time & energy and to sacrifice for someone during difficult moments in his/her life; love can be proven through actions; if you still appreciate and want to be with someone after the sexual passion fades away, then it means that you love someone. One can be sexually attracted by many people, but it doesn’t mean he/she can love that many people deeply…It’s complicated.
In response to the opinion “First love never dies”, I would say it depends on how people define “love”. Do I have romantic feelings for my first love? Will my face turn red and behave timidly in font of him when I see him again? No. Do I care about him, appreciate all the wonderful moments he spent with me, put him in a special place inside my heart, and always wish him well? The answer to all these questions are “yes”. Would I say I still love him? Nope, but I do care about him and always wish him well~
Hi Helena,
Again I am glad you can join the chats here.
I respect your opinion about the variety of love each one has.
My love when it is about a man, it is a romantic love, but when we broke up from our love, the romantic love change to a friendship love. I guess it’s different culture, but I’ve been friends with almost all exes. Not only being friends with exes but with their family too. I chose to being friends than being enemies….:))
Different culture, but…me too.
Almost all. To be blessed with continued respect and love from their families as well- it gives me peace. 🙂
It gives me peace too. Of course there was certain period of time for healing the wound from breaking up or from divorce and to cool down to get rid the anger, but after that from what I felt, I forgot the bad things that happened between us and only left the good things to remember. Besides, exes know us more than friends, it’s better to have them as our good friends than throw them away and make them our enemies…:))
I am glad we are on the same page…*Hugs
It dies, but you don’t forget it.
Well said.
thank you.
If love does NOT materialize and lead to marriage…then it was NOT true love to begin with. I don’t care how much man/woman claims to love one another, if the man does not pursue the woman, cheerfully proposes to her, and actually considers himself lucky to have found her…then he does NOT ‘truly’ love her. https://media2.giphy.com/media/Zu6ZytLn1y42k/giphy.gif
I must respectfully disagree. It is true that we have a tendency to dismiss feelings once we no longer feel them – but I think that this is just our self-preserving egos, which don’t want to admit that we were mistaken. For your consideration, I will leave you with a quote from Edna St. Vincent Millay, passer mortuus est, which spoke to me:
After all, my erstwhile dear,
My no longer cherished,
Need we say it was not love,
Now that love is perished?
“if the man does not pursue the woman….then he does NOT truly love her. “
Puzzled why the onus is always placed on men to do the pursuing and risking rejection.
Surely you are not actually puzzled? Surely you don’t need a refresher course in evolutionary psychology? 😉
Sperm is cheap. Eggs are expensive. ‘Nuff said.
But, if you’re looking for a more modern reason for why women don’t do more pursuing, I will happily admit that we don’t do it because we don’t have to. I mean, I get it – rejection hurts. Would you risk rejection from woman A if you knew that women B,C, and D were all likely to approach you soon?
For what it’s worth, though, I don’t actually follow this age-old path all of the time. I proposed to my first husband, and shamelessly pursued my second husband (he was pretty easy to catch, though.)
@e_monster:disqus She’s right (bit harsh though!)
But that doesn’t mean you need to follow the consensus, even if it is tied in with our nature as humans. If the chase isn’t your thing, don’t worry about it. The way I see it, being lonely is better than being untrue to yourself in order to find someone.
If other men or women call you less of a man for it, then don’t listen. I’m the same as you. I’d put in effort, but if she’s not putting in any back and just waiting for it to come, I’m not interested. She probably doesn’t like me and could do better.
How was I harsh? I thought that I addressed it with a sense of humor – that’s how it sounded in my head, anyway.
Your opening paragraph just sounded a bit condescending, so I felt bad for the guy you were addressing. Didn’t realise it was just jokes – I’m usually good at spotting humour but sometimes it goes over my head. Sorry about that. 😅
Oh, no! I’m quite fond of e_monster. I hope he didn’t read that as condescending, because that’s not how I meant it at all. You’re right, though – sometimes tone is hard to read.
I found it dismissive and patronizing as well. It didn’t come off like a joke.
It sounded exactly like the rhetoric hurled by man-hating feminists.
I found it dismissive and patronizing.
I sincerely apologise. I like and respect you, and meant only to tease. I am very sorry to have sounded otherwise.
Should I remove the offensive post? I am unsure of the etiquette for such a situation. I will gladly remove it if you wish.
No need, Amy. Thanks for asking, though.
Rarely did I follow consensus on much in life, including approaching women for attention or dates or anything. My DNA resists the notion of me making myself subject to the passing whims of approval or disapproval of others.
I think that’s wrong. If we lived in a society where men were encouraged to be almost asexual and women were told that women were always thinking about sex, then you might be making the exact opposite argument.
I can see your point there. As a man I find it pretty annoying there’s this generalisation that we’re all constantly thinking about it. I’m in my twenties, and that’s not the case for me or any of my close (male) mates.
As for women, I suppose that’s similar to slut shaming. Quite a nasty thing; monstrous in some parts of the world. In our society, I don’t know if we can even blame anyone in particular. It’s just one of the many down sides.
Yes most women don’t have to actively pursue. Most at worst can convey subtle interest.
Mother Nature evolved us so.
Women ultimately choose. But they too pursue, just more subtly. Sometimes bluntly.
I’d say men generally communicate more directly and formally their pursuit. But there is risk for both. I get that nobody likes rejection.
I learned to also be subtle and pick up subtle cues. Keeping it from being blunt. And even when I got the hammer rejection, meh, I had developed enough of an ego to take it in stride.
I’m married now but see my young friends play this out.
The imbalance and ambiguity in role expectations regarding dating, courtship, and betrothal always seemed so badly skewed as to be parody to me.
On the surface I agree. But I’ve known men and women with broken hearts and dreams here. I honestly can’t reduce it to some gender based culpability.
A related exception are divorce assessments. They’re too skewed in favor of women. Where even good men get fleeced.
But even here there’s a silver lining: men will think twice before they marry. Women by biology have had to.
I don’t agree with that. I think that’s totally wrong.
Yeah I don’t agree either, but when it comes to a sentiment like that there’s really nothing wrong with sticking to one’s own principals and letting others hold theirs. I won’t deny, there are times when it can be seen as a red flag.
Nice name, Mr. Roach. A lot of people don’t like roaches, but I think that they’re pretty cool.
When I was about 12 I held a dozen cockroaches in one hand. I also put my hand in a jar full of maggots. It was a strange experience because I was really afraid to do either, yet had no reason to be. The roaches left some slime on my hand which was a bit disgusting, but they’re completely harmless, as are maggots.
This is coming from a conservative traditional lady.
To each his own.
I agree.
Unfortunately a lot of us have lost what “true love” actually means. Everyone will have their own opinion but those who are “TRULY” in love will be with the individual they “TRULY” love (granted if they’re still among the living).
Yes, there are circumstances that can get in the way, however if you are able to be with your true love but you have settled for someone who you feel less feelings for, then you definitely don’t know what true love is.
For others who read this…this is my opinion.😊
I agree why bother dating if there is no potential of a long lasting relationship. I like you enjoy the chase. If a man does not show interest or pursue me I soon get bored.
Very true, I do agree in that too as I am not the kind of woman to do casual dating nor will I ever do it.
Absolutely.
I’m sorry to say that I wouldn’t know anything about “FIRST LOVE”, because I’ve never had one in my entire life, and that’s the God-honest truth. Growing up, I was always a shy, unattractive loner that could never get any of the girls to like me or even notice me. The only kind of guys that the girls in the schools that I went to were ever interested in were beefy, manly jocks, or perhaps guys who at least had a little bit of brains, and I was neither of them.
And now, I’m 50-years-old, I’m on disability, I have no car of my own, and I live at home with my mom and dad who both retired from the workforce, are in their 70’s, and both in lousy health, and I have to take care of their needs. And so, you might say that I’ve about given up on finding “True Love”.
Digger,
I am sorry for the pain you’ve been through but I salute for your strength and respect all you do for your parents. Stay strong, Digger.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ymMyY4GNAE
BTW, do you know who “downvoted” your comment? Whomever that person is is insulting both you and I, you dig?
Hi there, Digger,
I guess that’s what the bot does.
The downvotes are not only on this channel, it’s been happening on other sites too.
You’re saying that that “downvote” was automatic and not made by an actual person? It it another one of those “glitches” that I keep hearing about going on on “DISQUS”?
I hope that’s the case not by an actual person, thought I still want to see who does that.
My thoughts on first loves are people should never marry before the age of 21,seems that never works out!
Some recommend 31.
Good answer!
I don’t know about others but my first love was almost starting off like a married couple. I was six years older than her and she was very naive and immature. I was by no means a Don Juan however compared to her and her actions I was a veritable man of the world. Her immaturity eventually tore us apart as she was always trying to make me jealous and I eventually wouldn’t tolerate it any longer.🤢
Recently I heard her mother had passed but we haven’t seen each other in over 40 years. I am married and so is she. I guess it’s safe to say that we both got over each other.😁
The first love is a step in recognizing our sensitivity, and if it comes to an end, we should strive to make it easier as a teaching experience than as a disaster. And “The Winner gets it All” and can be the second, the third, the fourth …! The only One, the Best of all the others.
@murn_disqus:disqus
Hi. For some reason my posts won’t stick.
“First love never dies.” Do you agree with this quote?
No I do not…for some people this may be true, but not for everyone, as well as myself.
As well as myself… I don’t agree either…some people maybe very fortunate to have first for the last of their life, like my parents, I guess only very few people in the world found that kind of love.
Haha, someone down voted our opinion. I wish this site told us who down voted our opinion.😅
We are trying to find out.
But downvotes are not only happening here.
It’s been happening on other sites too…=D
Oh okay cool.😮
And yeah, I understand not everyone will agree with each other’s opinions but since most places tell you who up voted us, I would like for them to also tell us who down voted us. Haha, it’s not a big deal, I just would like to know both sides. 😊
That’s what I’ve been requesting Disqus to show us.
I hope they will eventually show us. …=D
🙏
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/0c4774405023f31aeeb6c9683000c1c01e21b5f7ffea0d877e0f9af8648f871f.gif
Amen….:))
Thank you for contributing My Neutral Channel.
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I would not dare to speculate about whether others’ first loves were or were not true, or whether they should or should not have died over time.
As for myself, yes, a part of me still loves my first love, though we are each happily married now, and haven’t spoken in several years. I expect that I shall always think of him fondly, and hope that he is well.
My first one was great, my second was a nightmare. But I’ve long since forgotten the first.
I hope the third one works well to the end….:)
So far, so good ..lol.
Congrats and enjoy 😍
There are some who have “a first love that never dies”,and they are very fortunate.Undying love is not universal.
Yes, those are very fortunate to have the undying love. Got married and live together till death separates them.
My parents had their first and last love. Both of them had their first love for each other and brought their love till they die.
Only have a moment, yet want to add another angle to this excellent topic. *smile
As most everyone knows, there is a difference between infatuation and love. Both bring on strong emotion, yet only one endures the test of time. Today, science offers its attempt to explain why…
Neurotransmitters
Dopamine and Testosterone – Infatuation
Oxytocin and Vasopressin – Love
If interested, Mark goes into the details straight away:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G_SdO1Qg7gY
“There’s a difference between infatuation and love”. Although so many people know this, many of us are unable to truly understand it only after we’ve been through the experiences of falling in love and then losing our love…
To my thinking, infatuation is more when a person is obsessed with his/her own feelings for the other. When it comes to love, it’s when the other person’s thoughts/feelings/well-being come into a stronger focus & importance than the “beholder’s”.
Yes ! U made valid points
Indeed, experiences in life permit us to see deeper, wider, and more clearly.
I respect, cherish, and adore the woman you are becoming, my sweet friend.
So pleased you dropped by, come again one day…will soon reply to your e-mail.
How awesome that you make the time to post it.
Lovely and thank you..:)
I thought infatuation was lust. It can only happen when someone sees the person physically and not by fantasizing. I believe love can happen without seeing the person thought it may be called a blind love..:))
Hello sweets, I’ll admit to being a bit partial as to threads created by you and Suri. It seems both of you are more productive on this new site, makes for fun. While busy at the moment, I hope to soon return home and give in to the temptation of posting more.
It’s just great to have you back and spend a little of your busy time for coming here. We try to be a little more productive when time permits. Looking forward to see you posting more. 😉
It was the 4th grade for me. I asked her to ‘go’ with me and she said yes which meant we’d talk on the phone. I could never get her alone to experience my first kiss which was very frustrating for a 10-11 year old boy. We fizzled for other reasons probably. My love for her had died by the 6th grade when I got a new girlfriend. There was plenty of kissing in that relationship but that one eventually fizzled as well. By high school they were both distant memories.
In all seriousness since love is an action in adulthood and not simply a feeling I feel that it does die once you move on from that person. Reflecting fondly is nice but there’s no love there anymore if they are no longer your partner.
You floozy.
My grade school yearbook relationship status quote was “It’s complicated.”
You were pimpin’.
Hormones, nerve imprinting, the back seat of a 60’s Imperial…why forget?
My first love was in kindergarten. I am soooo over him.
I bet he felt the same…=DD
Not for me but I think this might be more a woman thing as I’m told by women that their first f*ck is always a special thing,women can tell me if this is true.
True for some, not for others. Kinda like everything else in life.
That’s what I figured.
I still love my first love.
It sounds like a true love.
Ahhh Rose Hood , it has been 40 years and I never lost my love for her in my heart. i hope she got all the things she wanted and has been happy and well loved.
I wonder if it’s much more likely to remain attached to a nostalgic fantasy, or a projection, than the actual person.
I have wondered that as well, but of course I don’t have any statistics on which is more common.
The grief work that I did, after my husband died, had a lot to say on this very subject. There is a tendency, after a loss, to either enshrine or bedevil the lost partner. Usually, though, neither is fully true and, more importantly, neither allows for real healing.
My first husband was a wonderful man. And, sometimes, he was a real jerk. I have learned to embrace both the good and the bad, so as to heal from a real loss, rather than a fantasy.
Sorry to learn of your loss, Amy.
But I’m encouraged to hear about your willingness to grapple with the total reality of the relationship, rather than deny or suppress the difficult parts. Such willingness to face the difficult is when human beings heal and grow. Well done.
I should mention that this grief work also encouraged me to take an honest look at my part in the relationship. Sometimes, this was even more difficult than grappling with my memories of him!
But, it was SO important to do so. Too often, we remember relationships through the lens of what was done to us, how it affected us, and so forth… sometimes we forget that we were active participants in the whole thing.
I was a good wife. And, sometimes I was a real jerk. Owning up to that has helped me far more than I expected.
I can only further applaud the self-awareness and courage required for all that.
For me, it comes down to the total experience. As you noted, we all can be the good and bad. But the former should be more frequent than the latter.
I don’t hold grudges. And alway welcome a cordial relationship. But I always beware old enemies. And, as a necessity, always know anybody can turn on you.
I do my best to remain a lifelong friend and partner. I learned this as a young man, having made some mistakes.
Exactly. It took some meetings with girls in the past for this to sink in. The memory had more nostalgia value than something in person.
As I discussed earlier, it was the opposite for me with old friendships. Those often deepened. Even when an old friend had changed so much that we wouldn’t be friends today…the magic of the past still resonated.
For some reason, it mostly isn’t the same for romance. At best, I give that some girls I dated might have become true loves. But we’ll never know and no need for me to speculate, aside from fantasy indulgence.
I completely agree. I always wonder how she is and hope she’s very happy.
Did you ever think of seeing her if she is not married?
🙂
Last I checked, she is living downstate, works as a librarian, and is married. I don’t think it appropriate to make any contact whatsoever.
If that the case,
Of course, it’s better to stay away.
Exactly, right.
My first love 👎👎, 2nd love 👎, 3rd love 👎, 4th love, I hit the jackpot 💕🥳💥🌟, only to last for 3yrs…. he died. 😢
Hey Tass.
I thought it should be your bed time.
That’s suck on the 1st to 3rd love.
And so sorry for your last love. I believe you have moved on now.
May he rests in peace.
Rest well, my friend.
Talk to you soon.
Thanks Murn, yes I’ve moved on with my life, no good thinking about the past, just makes you too sad.
It is 11:45pm here, to early for bed. Maybe in a couple of hours I’ll go.
Have a great day/night.
Hey Tass,
I am sorry I left here a bit early last night.
The Disqus glitch was a bit annoying.
Have a wonderful day ahead.
Thank you for contributing My Neutral Channel.
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Oddly enough Murni, the premise of your post was behind one of the most successful beer advertising campaigns of all time…
“You never forget your first St. Pauli Girl.”
Malam Roy.
Where did you see that? Is that beer bintang? =D
Yes, true, never forget but in fact it dies.
That’s from my years in the US Murni. I’ve never seen an advertisement for St. Pauli Girl here in Indonesia.
It’s a clever marketing spin on what you write about…one’s first love.
Mimpi manis Ibu!
First love and first St Pauli Girl. Pretty close.
Malam, mimpi manis juga, Bapak.
I prefer Kirin, one of the three most popular beers.
Mods, please don’t forget to help recommend, upvote this topic and join the discussion.
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**
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